Mama's Birthday

Today would have been my mama's 75th birthday.  I cannot help but wonder how we might have celebrated this day as it is one of those mile marker birthdays, but then I have been without a mother for so long now that it's a struggle to picture us as mother and daughter doing anything.  That's a sad thought but just the reality of my situation since I lost her when I was 16 years old.  I'm sad for what I've missed out on all these years.  Though I dearly love the "adopted mothers" God has placed in my life, no one can take my mama's place.   Today I find myself thinking about her soft hands, the light in her beautiful brown eyes, and the sound of her voice laughing or singing.  Those thoughts take me to an emotional place I've not been to in a long while.  I can speak from experience to the wisdom that time does help a lot with the grieving process.

I really didn't intend for this post to be sad though.   I want to say that the fact that I have been able to move on emotionally is a testament to our Creator.  We are so much more than our physical selves.   I believe that perhaps I don't yearn for her physically because her spirit lives on in me.  For the first 16 years of my life, she loved, nurtured, guided, taught, and shaped me so there's no doubt that her influence is indelibly stamped on who I am today.  In honor of the beautiful woman that she was, I want to share the spirit of her that lives on in me:

- My mom was a "people person" and so am I.  Relationships are extremely important to me.  My family and friends are my dearest treasures.
- My mom loved music and so do I.   This "love of my life" is always close at hand whether I'm at the piano or plugged into some listening device.
- My mom loved crafting of all kinds and so do I.  Crocheting, knitting, cross-stitch, quilting ... I've always got some project underway.
-My mom was "tech savvy" before there was such a thing and friends say that about me too.  I remember her teaching me how to work a typewriter that could turn out mass mailings using a ticker tape.  Now I'm showing my age!
-My mom loved African violets and you will always find a few of those in my house.
-I've been told my mom approached life with a calm yet confident spirit.  I like to believe that could be said of me also.
-Last but not least, my mom loved God, His Word, and His church.  She (along with my Dad, of course) instilled this love in me by dedicating their lives to His Kingdom.  I am proud of their legacy, and it is my goal to pass it on to my next generation.

Of course, I listed only positive traits here ... I wonder if she was a procrastinator or indecisive at times.  I wonder if she desired to take better care of herself physically and spiritually ... I better stop "wondering" or you'll know all my struggles.  Maybe being transparent was something I inherited from her since I have chosen to share this online journal ... guess I'll have to ask her about that some day.

One more thought to pass on ... throughout my journaling tonight, I've been thinking of how my thoughts might come across to some young women or even older women I know who haven't been without their moms all that long.  If you are one of those women, remember that I speak from a much different place than you are in right now and the way you process your grief over time may not look like my journey.

 Me & my sweet Mama